Well, I don't think people will look at what I post here. But I just need to express myself. Am I stupid or what !!?? I've been acting like a child and being unmature.. I don't know how to appreciate something/someone that means a lot to me.. I don't know what I'm thinking by that time.. I had now regretted but there is no turning back for me.. NEVER! I've tried every single way to turn the whole situation back to it used to be, but its useless.. It never work out and what I get is the worst that I never ever think about it.. I've never imagine that this will happen to me, and with this particular person , NEVER EVER ! But you cannot predict the future, and so it happens.. And the thing that I can do now is face it , but i just couldn't .. I don't want to face the reality because I'm really scare that I couldn't take it so sudden.. I need to be TOUGH to face this.. or maybe it will take some time.. I just don't know what should I do now.. Maybe I'm thinking too much and I shouldn't think about it anymore..But the thing is IT just get into my mind every second and even in my dream.. Its not that I want to think about it, it just run into my mind, and can't be control.
Maybe, IF I just run into an accident and get into comma, I would have be happier.. I couldn't tell this to anyone about this situation , not even my mom.. I talk everything to her , every single thing! But not this.. I don't want her to feel upset about this because she really really likes xxx a lot.. I can't really explain how much she likes her , but if you're in my place, you will get it..
Every time when I see he's online, I feel so excited and my heart will bump so fast even its nothing.. I will keep my eyes on the online contact list to check whether he is still on9-ing.. And I always waited for him to talk to me or either say 'hello'. Sometimes I just can't wait and just started the conversation.. But there is nothing more for us to chat and gossip.. I remembered that we used to talk hours on phone almost every week and we will have topic to talk about.. Though sometimes we stop talking on both side and it was so silent and I can even heard your breathing, and I still feel happy that you are still on the phone with me..
We had gone through some experience that others doesn't, that is being apart from each other for a long term.. We still managed to get back with each other .. But things really changed.. There's no more turning back for me and I don't think that will be your choice, RIGHT? I don't know whether there's already been someone that let you keep your eyes on her or some other reasons.. But this reason keep running in my mind and I keep denying it because if it is, I wouldn't know what to do next. And I hope that is not the reason. But of course, if it is, that's good for you and maybe its good for me too. MAYBE I would be able to move on IF there's someone else for you to care or either care for you, and that's a MAYBE. I'm not sure about that.
As I think back, I really realize that I had been so freaking stupid for letting you go so easily without any reason. I also never think about what you feel when I said those words to you and I'm SO SO SO SORRY about that. I know its too late for me to say that but I just need to appologize. I know that you are getting tired and worried about your exams but is this the reason for the whole thing? Please tell me! I need to know why is this happening. And what do you mean that I have no ties with you? If I really don't, I wouldn't have meet you 3 years after we graduated, and also fall in love with you.
WHY IS THE WORLD FULL OF COMLICATION? WHY? WHY? WHY?
p/s: I'm just expressing my feelings and please skip over if you feel its boring or anything. Tq.
There's a pile of homework and assignments waiting for me but I need to express all this first before I could do my homework. By the way, I know xxx wouldn't have know my blog because he DOESN'T EVEN KNOW that I have a blog! But of course I would like him to know all this, not by purposely, but naturally. I hope he can changed his mind one day, allowing me to get back to my sweet dreams FOREVER. That's a hope that I think it will never happen.
*understand this with your true heart*
LOVE starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
If you love something/someone, let it go. ( what I'm doing now )
If it comes back to you, its yours. (hope so)
If it doesn't, then it never was.
A kiss is still a kiss until you find the one you love.
A hug is still a hug until its from someone you are thinking of.
LOVE is just a word until its proven to you.
Cherish everything that GOD gave before it is taken away from you.
You may not know what will happen to you tomorrow.
Treasure every moment before you regret.
For those who had missed his/her opportunity, try to save it back before you regret.
For those who had regret, I hope you can find your way out. (just like me)
Homework time, tata!
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dear~ chill alright! he would realize it one day! and what u can do now is to focus on your studies, and of course, han and i or even others ppl will be there to support u! don ever let the word "LOVE" to make everything out of your mind! remember, we will always be there for u! just tell us whenever u feel sad, we are there to listen to yr problem, dont keep that to yrself! express it to us! its really hard for u to keep it to yrself! be happy alright? we love u! muakzzz!
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